she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
