When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
