My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
