sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
PS: I just woke up from my shower
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
