I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Green mimosas i think yes
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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