glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
