So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
