so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
