oh god the rape fog is back!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
