i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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