Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
