try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I want is dick and wine.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
