It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
