Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
