return my video game
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
