Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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