Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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