just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
