I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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