you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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