After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
