She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
