btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
