I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
