The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
