Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize