i just wanna soil my oats bro
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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