some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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