At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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