I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize