We need to rekindle our bromance
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize