Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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