This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
