I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
