your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
