Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
