margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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