My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
