Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
