did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
