u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
