so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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