Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think I won the penis lottery.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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