You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
