we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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