Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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