Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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