Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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