call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
