I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
