I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
