i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
