he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
