The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
