I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize