i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you had me at cake vodka
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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