I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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