dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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