I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
