I got chris browned last night
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize