yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
