i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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