It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He has the fingertips of a God
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