we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
