I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
