peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
