I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
