Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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