i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
