I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
