yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
