do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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