then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Boobs speak an international language.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
