just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
