no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize