Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
