If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
