Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
