hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
