it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
