ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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