I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
