I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
