I heard we made out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
