He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
