I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
